I should be working right now, but I’m fucking pissed off so I’m going to go ahead and get it out of my system. This blog is going to be a lot rawer and intense than most of my blogs are, so if cursing or anger offends you, stop reading now.
This morning I posted a link through tumblr to a blog about asexuality. As usual, one of the responses I got on my Facebook page was, “We know you’re asexual. Stop talking about it.”
Let me make this fucking clear RIGHT NOW. I am NOT shutting up about asexuality until everyone else fucking shuts up about the causes that are important to them, about their relationships, about their broken hearts, their loneliness, their love for their partner, their joy.
In case anyone is sarcasm impaired, I don’t actually want people to shut up about those things. But I have the same right to share my life and my opinions as everyone else. And yes, I know people have a right to say what they want. But do not say it on my page any more.
I don’t get what makes people so fucking uncomfortable about asexuality that they feel a need to try to stop people from talking about it. When I post about gay issues I don’t get this reaction. But both off and online, the response to asexuality is “we know who you are, so stop talking about it.”
Do you? Do you really know who I am? Let me tell you a few things.
I’m normally a positive person, so I don’t share these aspects of my life because I don’t want to be a whiner, but now I’m going to, just so we’re all on the same page here.
I’ve cried myself to sleep before because I am asexual, okay? It hurts when people day in and day out don’t get who or what you are and constantly tell you that either you need to be fixed or that you have no right to talk about your pain because your life is supposedly easier than theirs. My heart has been broken because I’m asexual and because my idea of love, romance, partnership, etc isn’t the same as most of the other people’s that I meet. I’ve gone to LGBT spaces and had people ask me how much I masturbate because “we all know asexual people do themselves.” I’ve gone on dates and had people I really, really clicked with tell me, “I’m sorry, but since you’re asexual, it won’t work” without even giving me a chance or letting the relationship develop to the point where we could figure out whether sexually things could work out between us. I’ve been told more times than I care to remember to get my hormones checked or to stop being a Puritan or a thousand other things that have nothing to do with me. I’ve been told that the word “asexual” is inappropriate to use around children but that “LGBT” is okay even though it totally ignores and erases me.
And that’s only a fraction of the pain I’ve experienced in my life because I’m asexual. I actually like myself and don’t want to make it sound like my sexual orientation is a tragedy. But sometimes, being asexual hurts, and a good portion of the hurt comes from being invisible and misunderstood.
So, no, I will not shut up about asexuality. I will not be quiet and let people think I’m sexual or think my life is easier or whatever the fuck it is they think.
I am asexual, and I don’t care how politically correct or incorrect it is, I will always talk about it.
If you have a problem with that, you don’t need to know me.