Tonight I am going to an LGBTQ pot luck as an openly asexual person. I don’t really know exactly what this means, to be honest. I just know that in the past when I have attended LGBTQ events, others have presumed that I am a bisexual woman and I have done nothing to correct them. I’ve felt too often that I am “passing” for sexual. But I am not sexual, never have been and never will be. I might laugh at sexual jokes because I like a good pun as much as anyone else and I might be able to recognize it when you are making a sexual reference because asexual does not mean “sheltered from the existence of sex.” But I am not sexual.
In addition to being an asexual “woman” (really I’m gender neutral) I’m single. I am not an asexual woman in a relationship with my sexual roommate. I am not a sexual woman in a relationship with my female roommate. And I am not saying these things because I am closeted or ashamed of not being heterosexual. I am saying them because the truth is that I am a single asexual PERSON (not woman) who lives with a single sexual transgender woman who happens to be my best friend but it is not, has never been, and cannot ever be more than that.
So in an hour here I go, entering a new LGBTQ space as myself. Not sure what that looks like, exactly, but it will be different from the way it has always been even if it looks the same because I cannot hide who I am anymore.