The other day I completely revised my OKCupid profile. Since no-one writes to me, even if I write back, I thought spicing up my profile would help. After I revised it, I posted in the forums asking for feedback.
I only got two responses, not counting Gavi. One person was not the kind of person I’d want to date anyway, because she was rude. “There’s no way in HELL I’m reading all that. And what’s a Kitchen Witch??!” The other person liked my profile but is only 19 and lives in another state.
Other than that, nobody said anything. Nor do people respond when I email them or email me directly after reading my profile.
What the hell? Do I have some sort of invisibility shield on? I know I’m attractive, intelligent, and interesting. Why does nobody seem to be interested in me? I don’t understand it. I know I have Asperger’s but online it doesn’t show that much, and in any case I’ve learned enough basic social skills that people really shouldn’t run away screaming. I know I’m asexual but really, are people THAT much invested in sex that they don’t want to bother to get to know me??? I don’t want someone like that anyway, but it can’t be everyone…can it?
I know dating is hard for everybody. Gavi’s OKCupid box is so full that she constantly gets a warning that she won’t be able to get any more messages if she doesn’t delete some, but she’s been struggling for the past few weeks with “dates” that continually cancel at the last minute or just don’t contact her when it’s time to get together. So it’s not like having a lot of people interested in you counts for anything if you can’t get anyone to even try to make it real.
I’m honestly not sure if trying to find someone is even worth it. I’ve got a busy, active life. I’m focusing on freelance writing and on making Shades of Gay a success, both of which keep me phenomenally busy. I have fun living with my best friend, even if it is and will alway be a platonic relationship because we consider ourselves sisters. Do I really even have room for a partner, assuming any such person actually exists? Besides, I’m starting to get the feeling that I’m not meant to have a relationship. I’d be happy just to meet more people, though… I don’t seem to even be able to do that.
It’s really hard for me to meet people in person. Large groups of people overwhelm me, for one thing, and I’m not really good at things like eye contact or making small talk. That’s doubly true in a noisy environment because the noise is too distracting on top of everything else.
At least online I have an equal chance…or so I thought. But it seems people just pass me over…at least personal relationship wise. I do fine at making business contacts online.
I’ve read other asexuals complaining that people who don’t read their profile email them trying to come on to them. I don’t even get THAT much. (Not that I want THAT, but I would like to feel like I’m not completely invisible.)
So what am I doing wrong?